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I know I haven't been around lately, mostly because of school, but prepare yourselves for a major comeback...
Peace and Love,
Emmy

Uncharted- Chapter 5

Uncharted- Chapter 5

I spent the entire next day packing and preparing for my trip. I already had my suitcase with me, but Carrie had classes all day and said I could borrow some sundresses for Italy, so I had a whole other project to do. I tried to find the simplest ones- maybe dark solid colors, but I had to slightly alter my restrictions. I occasionally took breaks to go pick up some other supplies from the drug store like gum, toothpaste, deodorant, boring essentials. Now that I was coming to terms with my situation, it was all beginning to feel real and I was more excited than ever. While I was packing the last of my new toiletries, my cell phone vibrated. My mom was calling, probably as a result of the cryptic voicemail I had left the night before. I hesitated, but answered. As I brought the phone to my ear, I panicked, realizing that I didn’t want to hear anyone trying to convince me out of this trip now that I had finally gotten to this point. I hit the “end” button and threw my phone on the bed. I wasn’t doing anything wrong; I didn’t have to explain anything to her. I decided that I would send her a text when I got to my hotel.

As it got later into the afternoon, I felt my lack of sleep kicking in. I collapsed onto Carrie’s bed and fell asleep for what felt like two minutes when there was a knock on the door. Carrie burst into the room just as I unlatched the chain lock. “How’s packing going?” she asked loudly. She tossed her messenger bag down onto the wooden chair, making a loud clamor. I quickly looked at Ally’s bed, expecting some type of reaction. She hadn’t budged, despite Carrie’s dramatic entrance. “Don’t worry about her,” Carrie said, reading my mind. “She’s been sleeping through everything since September.” I once again felt sorry for Ally, but continued my discussion with Carrie. “I’m almost done packing. I just feel like even with your dresses, I have no clothes to bring.” I had always been what I called a “comfortably cute” dresser. I made sure that everything I wore out was presentable, , but I didn’t go out of my way to dress extremely nicely. I never really thought it was necessary. I wore makeup and did somewhat different styles with my hair, so that was really my focus when I did put in the effort. I dressed in a simple fashion and was perfectly content with that. I actually preferred my new, darker sense of style.

“You can borrow other things if you want,” Carrie offered. “No, no, no, it’s fine. I’m just thinking that I might need to go shopping.” Carrie’s face lit up. Shopping had always been one of her favorite things to do. I was a typical girl in many ways, so I appreciated a good shopping trip as well. It just seemed like whenever we would go shopping together, Carrie would walk away with twice the amount of items as me. Carrie hesitated before asking: “…do you have enough money for that? I mean, with enough left for your trip and everything?” Carrie had reason to be concerned, of course. However, she was unaware that I hadn’t spent any money since I started working three years prior. Seeing as I also worked a second job every summer and have been saving any monetary gifts for the past five years, I thought it would be permissible. “Yeah, I think I’ll be okay. None of my clothes are exactly ‘Europe appropriate.’ Do you have some free time tonight?” Carrie jumped out of her chair. “Of course! Let’s go!”

One excruciatingly long shopping venture later, I had many new blouses and tank tops to accompany my assorted pairs of jean shorts I had already owned. Carrie had pushed me out of my comfort zone, causing me to purchase more floral and pastel colored patterns than I had ever thought possible. She was right though; if I were ever to change my look and take a chance, this summer was going to be the time to do it. As we got ready for bed that night, I was both nervous and excited all over again. When we settled into bed, Carrie sighed. “Are you excited?”  I was curious why she was asking, but I responded pleasantly. “Yeah, I am. A little nervous actually, but I am.” A moment passed silently. “Aren’t you going to be lonely all by yourself?” I never really thought about this factor of my trip. “Well, I think I can use some time by myself. And if I get really lonely, that’s when I can come home.” More silence. “Okay,” Carrie murmured. “As long as you’re careful.” I sighed again. “I already promised I would be. You of all people know I don’t break promises.” Carrie chuckled as she said “Yes, I know. Who know, maybe you’ll meet a hot foreign guy." I laughed right out loud. "Yeah, right. I probably won't even speak to anyone over there." Carrie nodded. “Yeah, you’re probably right.” We settled in and I didn’t fall asleep for a few hours.

Uncharted- Chapter 4

                “Charlotte, are you crazy?” She stood up and crossed to the window. When the light hit her face, I suddenly remembered how jealous I had been of her ever since middle school. She was petite, pale, and had light curly hair. She was thin and talented and got into every drama program that she auditioned for. Carrie got all the attention from the boys, making me the appointed wing woman for the past seven years. This need to escape from under her shadow affirmed my decision. “Why not, Carrie? I've always wanted to go; I have all this time and no commitments.” She seemed to find this funny. “Charlie, you don’t have any money.” The fact that I thought this part out made me more excited to respond. “I have all my Christmas money from years of saving and plus I have everything from working last summer.” Carrie just stared at me with bewildered amusement.

                “Your parents are going to let you go?” I put my hands on my hips while I thought about my reply. “They can’t really do anything about it, can they? I’m eighteen, I have my own money and means…and my plane leaves Wednesday.” I didn't even believe my fake assertion, but Carrie’s focus was elsewhere. Her jaw dropped. “You already bought your ticket.” It wasn't a question, she was simply figuring out my master plan. “Yes,” I began reassuring her. “And I’m calling my mom tonight and telling her.” Carrier shook her head once more. “Good. Well, I’m all for it.” I ran and hugged her. “Thank you,” I whispered as sincerely as I could.

                That night, Carrie forced me to call my mother…while she watched. I told her that I didn't need a babysitter, but she wasn't convinced and neither was I. So, as we sat on the floor just staring at each other, I finally made my move. Even as the phone rang and I awaited hearing my mother’s voice, I had no idea what I was going to say. To my relief, the phone continued ringing. When it stopped, I mouthed the word “voice mail” to Carrie, and she gestured for me to continue. “Hey Mom, I just wanted to let you know, I’m perfectly safe visiting Carrie at NYU…but I guess I already told you that. Anyway, um, I’m going on a trip for a while. Everything’s all set, I’m paying for everything, I’m just going away for a while, but I’ll check in with you soon. Love you, bye.” I hung up as fast as I could, before Carrie had time to object. When I looked up, she was already lunging at me, trying to grab the phone. “Charlie! That wasn't good enough! You’re not just going on some stupid road trip, you’re going overseas. What if something happens while you’re there?” I was becoming exasperated with Carrie’s worrying. “Then, my best friend knows I’m going and can figure it out. I’m trusting you with this, Care, that’s why I told you I was going.” She had finally stopped trying to wrestle the phone from my hand. Carrie looked up at me from under her eyelashes. “You’ll check in everyday?” I held up three fingers. “Scout’s honor. I downloaded Viber just for the occasion.” Carrie smiled and leaned across the bed and hugged me. “Alright, as long as you’re careful.” I chuckled. “Of course, you have no reason to be worried.”

                I couldn't sleep that night, not only because of the limited amount of space in Carrie’s bed, but also because I was starting to regret my plan. I was travelling out of the country for the first time, completely alone. I had never gone anywhere besides the city in my whole life and now I was going to Rome by myself. After about two hours of telling myself that I wasn't going and that I was just going to go back home to Connecticut, I realized that I was never going to have another opportunity to do this. I’m never going to have a lack of responsibilities and commitments. I had to do this now if I ever wanted to do it. I could go for as long as I wanted, as long as I had the money. This was my time. I had never taken any risks before, so why not take a huge one when I have the chance? I fell asleep with the permanent thought in my head that I was going though with this trip, no matter what. 

About My Blog!

Hi everyone and welcome to my creative writing blog!

This blog was created as an outlet for me to put up all of the writing that I've been doing for years. Although this blog is mainly for me to express myself and have some sort of motivation to keep writing, I also created it as a way to get feedback on my work.

My goal is not to test if I want to be a professional writer (trust me, I have other plans:)). I honestly just want to see how people feel, connect to and react to what I write. I mainly have ideas for short stories, which I will continue to write and release on here as I make progress.

Unfortunately, I have so many ideas floating around in my head for stories that I tend to start many at a time, losing focus on certain stories for varying amounts of time. Once again, this is where I need your help! If there is a specific story you are interested in and really want me to continue, please let me know so I don't just leave you hanging! (I would never want to do that to someone kind enough to take the time to read my work).

Finally, I honestly hope you enjoy my stories and always feel free to let me know what you think!

Lots of love,

Emmy

Uncharted- Chapter 3

I've always been somewhat of an awkward person. Due to the chaos that has been my immediate family as of recent, my friends have become my closest affiliates and now, they’re spread out all over the place. But even with them I tend to have some issues with closeness. I’m assuming that it’s because, as much as I hate to admit it, I take after my dad. My mom was always absolutely crazy, loud, funny and loving, which is why I was closer to her in general growing up. My dad stayed home with me until I was two years old, but as of the age of eight, I don’t remember any touchy-feely moments with him. I love my dad, but I've never said it out loud to him simply because he never said it to me. Hence, even more psychological issues. Luckily, I’m more social like my mom, but when it comes to closeness or asking for help, I was more like my dad, so these things just usually didn't happen.

                During the divorce, my parents were more focused on buttering up my sister, since she was a minor and whoever got custody would most likely get the house. I basically got forgotten about in the process because I was eighteen and could pretty much choose what I wanted to do with who and when. Even though the divorce wasn't completely finished, I somehow ended up on my own with a new resolve. At first, I didn't know why I was going to New York City. It was just the first place I could think of to go and all I knew was that I needed to get away. While I was on the train, I figured out at least some plan of where I would be able to go. I had some money saved up. I was lucky enough for money not to be an issue, just for this moment. The possibilities were endless.

                When the train pulled up to the station, I immediately pulled my cell phone out of my pocket. I was suddenly filled with a new hope, a new idea. I needed to get started. I called my best friend, who I had visited at New York University many times. Carrie sounded concerned when she answered the call. “Hey Carrie, I’m in New York. Can I come to your dorm?” “Umm, why are you here? What happened?” I quickly responded. “Not important. Anyway, are your roommates home?” Carrie hesitated, and then continued. “Yupp, no problem. Ally can let you in. I’ll see you later after class lets out. Then it’s story time, Charlie.” I begrudgingly agreed and got off the phone as quickly as possible. Even with my best friend, I always felt awkward talking to. We were just so different that it seemed like Carrie would understand, but only to a certain depth. For the rest, I was on my own. It didn't make me appreciate her any less, it just made me question if there really was anyone else like me.

                I took the subway and ended up right on the outskirts of Washington Square Park. Even though I was eager to tell Carrie about my plan, I was not eager to tell her about my snap decision to leave home. I chose to take my time walking because it wasn't freezing for the first time since September. Plus, I knew I had some time to kill before Carrie even got out of class. As I got to her building, my excitement turned to nervousness. I simply hoped that Carrie would understand and at least not try to tear down this idea. The elevator doors opened and I approached the fourth door on the right. I knocked a little harder than usual, knowing that whoever was in the room would probably be napping at three o’clock in the afternoon on a Monday. Ally shuffled down the short hallway moments later and opened the door. Even in her disheveled, sleepy state, I saw a look of surprise cross her face. Her blond, curly hair was even messier than usual. Her every day outfit of gray sweatpants and a black sweatshirt was all wrinkled and crooked, which also wasn't an odd occurrence for her.

                “Hey Charlie, what’s up?” she asked sleepily. “I called Carrie a few minutes ago, told her I needed refuge for a while. Is that okay?” Ally shook her head a few times. She seemed to be trying to shake the sleep from her mind and get her thoughts straight. “Oh yeah, of course,” she replied. She left the door open just long enough for me to sneak through before she slumped back to her bed. I felt bad for Ally. She was just as lost as I was, but her parents were so strict about how she had to go to school that even if she had wanted some time to figure it out, she couldn't have had it. Instead, she’s spending her life taking two classes a day, napping the rest of the day and majoring in nothing. Turns out she writes original music and sings, not like she’d ever be able to embrace that.

                After what felt like a half an hour of silence, I heard the jangle of a key against the metal doorknob as Carrie forced open the stuck door to the dorm. As she walked in, she harshly said “Here” and slapped a sticker on my shoulder. As I looked to ask about it, she answered. “New visitors’ passes. Stupid, I know.” We both chuckled a little. Then, she just looked at me. “What’s going on, Char? Please tell me.” I sighed as I sat down on the floor beside her bed as Carrie sat on the bed. She put her legs behind my back and I leaned back on them. With my head in her lap, I told her the more basic version of my needing to take a break from my home life. Carrie stayed silent until I was completely finished. After a few more moments of quiet, she asked “So what are you going to do now?” I knew I had to blurt out my response before I could second guess it. “I’m going to Italy.”  

Uncharted- Chapter 1

The first image I remember is being on a train wondering where I was going and what my future held for me. I wondered how I got to this point of being a young adult whose life suddenly fell apart. I wondered why I didn't feel as free as I had expected to. When you abandon all responsibilities, any unspoken commitments or promises, and just pick up and leave, you have a blank slate. A new page just waiting to be filled. You should feel free, but somehow, I don’t. I feel less confined maybe, but I still feel exactly the same as I did in my old, structured life.

As I look out the window, all I see are factories. Some are older, some newer, and yet each is surrounded by broken down homes and buildings. Even though the sun is shining, everything we pass seems to have an overtone of gray to it. In fiction, or futuristic or apocalyptic type books, we always visit these distant dates or planets that only hold the broken remains of life, but it’s no longer fiction. Today, this is our reality, where even the “nicest” towns have sections that look as if they’re a setting of a zombie apocalypse. It’s more challenging to find a good neighborhood than a bad one and even if you are lucky enough to discover one of these havens, you’re still not completely safe from crime. No one has that luxury or peace of mind anymore, no matter where they live. We learned this the hard way in my home state of Connecticut with the Sandy Hook shooting. No one even thought of such a horrific happening being possible in quiet little Connecticut, “where nothing ever happens.” This isn’t some fictional setting, this is all of our lives today, our reality. It seems like we've grown so tolerant of these conditions that we forget that things weren't always like this. Maybe they don’t even have to be, if we started challenging ourselves. These are the topics that swim through my mind as I travel on this train to my destination.

The more I focus on my surroundings beyond the clear glass barrier, the more convinced I am that these broken down and diminishing buildings are metaphors for all of our lives as we grow. Not only do our exteriors begin to let us down, but our dreams, hopes, ideals and positive perspectives seem to crumble as well. The walls of our ideal futures that we built brick by brick beginning at a young age crumbles the more we discover reality in our adult lives.

Though I had made this weekend trip many times before, this journey to New York City felt completely different. This probably stemmed from the fact that everything was different. I was frustrated, but I also had nothing to lose. In the past year, I had become a legal adult and it ended up being more than I asked for. After twenty five unhappy years of marriage and raising two children, my parents finally got divorced. Of course, it was a long time coming, should have happened twenty years earlier and didn't take anyone by surprise, but it wasn’t as easy as I expected the event to be. I thought I was completely prepared and that they had already been emotionally separated for so long that it hardly would have affected me at all. However, they mean it when they say that divorce brings out the worst in people. Between that and my lifelong battle with a depression and anxiety disorder that reached an all-time high when I went away to college, I decided that it was in my best interest to take some time off. I figured I’d at least be able to work and save up for some money for the next stage of my life, whatever that was, but when I came back home to my old job, they ended up hiring someone new to replace me until the summer. In other words, I was out of luck until the first week of June, since absolutely no one was hiring.

Having no responsibilities was something that was taking much longer to adjust to than I would have thought. After all, it wasn't exactly something I was used to. I was an overachiever all of my life. My parents never pressured me or punished me about grades; I was always completely internally driven. I think that’s what made my current state of nothingness so shocking to anyone who knew me at any length. I had done well in school, always played instruments, participated in clubs; I was even the vice president of the drama club my senior year of high school. Everyone told me my whole life how successful I would be, no matter what I chose to do. This specifically seemed to come to fruition when I was eight years old and decided that I wanted to become a lawyer. For some reason, I saw this as the most glamorous career there was. When my love for theater and film took over, suddenly everyone seemed less supportive. And now that I have no educational goals at all for the time being, even less support.